Reasons Why You Should Be Wary of El Chupacabra

With all the commotion caused by El Chupacabra in the news as of late, I thought it best to post this little reminder to all would-be sympathizers as to why El Chupacabra is high on the list of things that are going to kill you (right behind trapezoids, which are #1).

1. El Chupacabra is hungry, and wants to eat your sheep.
2. You probably don't have sheep, because we don't live in Wales, now, do we?
3. This means El Chupacabra will still be hungry when he visits your house.
4. Humans are anatomically similar to sheep in many ways.
5. El Chupacabra is not a picky eater, and has poor eye sight.
6. El Chupacabra has been known to mistake sheep for humans.
7. The 2nd amendment is being suppressed increasingly by politicians, and El Chupacabra's tough hide can only be penetrated by armor-piercing full metal jacket rounds 9mm or larger.
8. El Chupacabra does not forgive, and El Chupacabra does not forget.

Remember that the best offense against El Chupacabra is a good defense. And now you know.

And knowing is half the battle.

Peer Editing Epilouge

My story thoroughly improved along with that of my peer (S.), I set out now to write a blog about my experience. For your entertainment, I present it in alliteration and haiku, respectively.

Dumbfounding descriptions of daring deeds, drole dominions, and dangerous demons are to be found in the next issue of S's continuing saga of Space Captain Leo, a sure success. Batman would be proud.

Canada is gone,

News stalks innocent Albie,

Saturday holds more.

Peer Edit 2.0

Through this next peer editing experience I hope to accomplish a new understanding for what would make my story better, as well as help my peers accomplish the same thing. I am excited to have my work shown on any forum and expect to take a lot from the experience. I also feel anxious to work with my classmates in order to help them create a better story for both themselves and the readers both currently and in the years to come (dudes).

The Universe has Got Talent

Troy took center stage.
"Are you tired of your grandma dying all the time?" he yelled. "Then have I got the product for you!" No one knew why his voice was elevated to such levels, the room they were in was rather small and contained nothing more than the judges' desks and some live streaming cameras.
"That's right folks, what I've got here is the worlds first Rechargeable Granny! But how does it work, you ask? Simple! Plug your Granny in at night to have her waking up refreshed and alive for the next seventy-two hours! Never worry about your family's stability again! Finally, a day and age when we can all live in a Grandma-filled utopia! But wait, there's more! The Rechargeable Granny is now available for free with the donation of one hundred and forty dollars to Troy Paterson so he can pay his electric bills!"
The laugh track booed him off stage before he could finish.

What YOU Need to Know About Gregory M. Lehman

Oh, hey, I didn't see you there. I thought I'd take a minute to bring up the important subject of myself. While I do admit that I may be talented in some aspects of the word, I'd prefer that the ultimate tone of this article is one of modesty and a surrendered humility to my peers. Let's start at the beginning, shall we? I was born in a back alley in a leper colony near Melbourne, Australia. Growing up around the sickly not only made me immune to leprosy, but instilled in me a great passion for humanity in general. Yes, I remember plenty-a-dying friends that I tried to nurse back to health, but to no avail. These early experiences with death are what I attribute to my wise and pseudo-sociopathic mindset that I currently adhere to. I was a tall child, towering a full foot and a half over most of my peers. From that height, my friends often said that the sunlight gilded me with a certain "halo" of sorts, and they began calling me the "Guardian Angel." Oh, how the kids say the darndest things! But make no mistake, even with my borderline offensive previous nickname, I have always been completely family oriented and try to remain perpetually G-rated. Oh my - look at the time! I really must be going. I'll keep you posted, my friends. Toodles!

When Worlds Collide

Nickolai was in the process of releasing his noontime contented sigh when a sight in the sky turned it into a surprised gasp. Skyfish from the Distant City were sailing graciously through the air, descending in a deceivingly peaceful manner to the city below, looking for the nearest showtime that caught their emotionless eyes. Nickolai knew at that moment that the great happiness of his homeland had ended. Apartment complexes were already starting to grow faces and put on costumes to begin their never-ending round of narrating hectic street scenes in blissful barbershop four-part harmony. Nickolai then saw the street musicians. Hoards upon hoards of countless shady-looking characters with trumpets, saxophones, clarinets, guitars, vuvuzelas or any number of instruments unidentified were setting up on the corners and began belting out their melodies in contradicting jazzy fashions, competing with each other to be the best on the block.
"The peas," Nickolai realized grimly, "The peas will come next."
And that they did, toppling cars and trampling pedestrians as they flooded the streets in the general direction of the Capital. The sheer numbers of this vegetarian coup were enough to stop any countering force in it's tracks. Squadrons of militiamen scrambled to their barracks to take up arms against the waves of invaders, but were quickly silenced by the irate beans. Nickolai was perfectly aware that this was the end of the city as he knew it. The buildings were telling him so in a pleasing do-wop.
The great city fell in a matter of minutes.

"Charlie's Playworld"

The best of all worlds reveals itself in this blissful utopia of an urban paradise, sprawling across plains, deserts, beaches, alpines, fantasy castles, suburbia, and retail havens. Truly there is no better place to live, the motto of the city and most of its residents went. Nickolai strongly agreed. His workplace rested on the street corner just north of his penthouse, standard of living was high, and he was never more than five minutes commute from a nice night out, whatever he feels that might be. On average, Nickolai stacks up one hundred and thirty-seven contented sighs a day, a whopping forty above the city's average. Yes, all is well in this wonderful metropolis, and it always has been. Worries are non-existent. In fact, the language spoken by the residents of the city has no word for worry, and ninety-seven percent less words with negative connotations than any other language in the known universe. Here the waters of life run cold and clear. However, one planet can only have so much happiness on it. While this sprawling settlement is a gem on the face of the entire universe, the rest of the planet is not so lucky.

"Being There"

"My lord," thought Bluebird, "The city has gone mad."
Staring out his fourth story apartment window the scene below could only be described as chaos. Crazed panhandlers shout a cacophony of clarinet bars into the brisk night air that giant skyfish so elegantly sail through on their way to the George's Theater on Third. A man has caught one of these avian aquatics and laughs maniacally that he will be fed for days until the obnoxious blaring of car horns causes his grip to fail. Thousands of enraged peas form an army bent on overthrowing the managership of the nearby grocery, emitting a continuous roar of high-pitched war cries as they hop energetically down the street. Looking up, Bluebird sees the buildings singing cheerily in barbershop quartet the gist of the scene below.

He decides he'd better stay in.

What I did in Class Last week.

Last week I partook in a number of classroom activities including, but not limited to, the following:

• Wrote a socio-political allegory about racism and the values of peaceful change in the strife of the working man.
• Visited art around the Iowa State campus and wrote about it.
• Peer-edited stories from classmates Lea and Shelby.
• Improved my writing style with suggestions from my peers as well as techniques taught to me in the class.

Altogether I feel that I have taken from this experience not only a greater understanding of my peers and the writing process, but of my own development of thoughts and ideas.

Blogging and You

I'd like to take a minute to talk about blogs. It has come to my attention that some people in this world are reluctant to create blogs. This is mainly because they are scared of Robot Apocalypse, which is one of the lies spread by Communism. Yes, yes, I know, these new words are starting to jumble up your mind, but I promise that it will all be cleared up within this very post.
In truth, Robots are one of the great luxuries that will soon be provided by our wonderful American Free-Market. How do I get one of these "robots" you ask? Well that's simple enough, you blog. Blogging is an activity created by Americans for the sole purpose of getting robots to the masses quickly and efficiently. I encourage all of my peers to start blogging today to start working toward a greater tomorrow.